Survival 101: Guide to Depression

Now, I am no expert, and I sure as heck am not a therapist, but I have a lot of first hand knowledge and experience when it comes to dealing with depression, so I figured why not share some of it!

I have suffered from depression a lot longer than I have been dealing with it. The difference between suffering and dealing is how you go through your depression. I know a lot of people who struggle and I always want to help, but I don't always know the right things to say in the moment. It's so easy to say stuff like "it'll get better" but trust me when I say that is the WORST thing to say to someone who is depressed. We don't feel like it will EVER get better, and although you may have good intentions, don't say that. You could say almost anything else in the entire world other than that. Sometimes it does get better for some of us, but sadly, that isn't always the case.

I have been in therapy for several months now and although I still struggle time to time, I am pretty much a changed person. I still have depression (and probably always will) but now I know how to handle the situations I am going through... most times. Even though I have SO much knowledge on how to help myself, sometimes the pain can be so unbearable that it clouds all my judgement and logic. By writing this, I am not hoping to only help others, but help myself in times of need and remind myself that I will get through it and be okay.

Step 1: Let it hurt, then let it go -R.H Sin

It is OKAY to have these feelings!! I used to shame myself so badly. I hated how depression would make me feel. I felt like I was broken, like I was weak and shouldn't be feeling the way I was. I treated myself horribly, and that's not okay! We as humans need to feel to heal. So don't guilt yourself in those times. Let it pass. It may take a few hours, or it might take a couple of days. But it will pass, it always does. Just as the rain falls, a rainbow comes after.

Step 2: Self care

After going through something painful like what I discussed in step 1, you need to give yourself some time to recover. Don't worry about anything else in that time (unless you REALLY need to, like making your children dinner lol.. feed them KD, they'll survive. All healthy kids need is healthy parents, so focus on you so that you can focus on them ❤️) . Go for a bath, watch some netflix, go for a walk, have some ice cream! Do what makes YOU happy in that moment. A lot of times I will go for naps because going through meltdowns is emotionally and physically EXHAUSTING. I used to feel guilty and tell myself I was lazy and shouldn't use sleep as a coping mechanism. But now I realize that it is what my body needs at the time, and I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

There are TONS of amazing books you can find at Chapters in the self help section that can support you. (If you can't afford it, sit in the aisle and read a few chapters. Just don't tell anyone I told you that LOL) Do some journalling, get your thoughts out on paper. Right a letter to someone who has hurt you (you don't have to send it, but saying the things you are holding back will help you heal)

Step 3: Analyze

There is almost ALWAYS a logically reason as to why you feel depressed, something that happened to lead up to your meltdown or self harm. I could never figure out my problems before. I just assumed everything was my fault. I felt sad because I was my own problem. I treated MYSELF badly. Rather than trying to find a reason, I blamed myself. Ex: someone treating me badly all the time. "Well, I must just be worthless and I deserve to be treated this way. Logical reason: this person treats others badly because they have their own issues they need to deal with. Perhaps treating me badly makes them feel better. Finding reasons and analyzing your feelings is so important in times of depression and/or anxiety. Don't blame yourself all the time. Negative feelings towards yourself are easy to have, but they are wrong more often than not.

Step 4: REACH OUT

This is such an important freaking step. I SUCK at reaching out! I always feel like I'm a burden to others. Even when people say "I'm always here" I still find myself not being able to talk to them. But it is so important to have someone to talk to. Bottling up feelings is not healthy, and talking about problems makes them lessen over time.

This portion is for the person who is on the other end. If someone reaches out to you and you don't know what to say, THAT'S OKAY!!!! So many people don't know how to react, what to say or what to do. They say "well I don't know how to help you" and they don't. Although it is unintentional, it can be hurtful to the person who needs help. Sometimes all that person needs is for someone to listen. I know for me, I don't need you to tell me it'll be okay, I don't even need you to respond, I just need a non judgemental, listening ear. Sometimes just being in the same room as that person and sitting in silence is more than enough. We just need to feel like someone out there cares. Because a lot of the time, we feel like we don't.

Step 5: Therapy and medication

Therapy is almost impossible to find here in Sudbury, let alone affordable! Trust me, I'd know. I was told by my own family doctor to not even try. I currently do online therapy with a therapist located in Toronto and it's the best decision I ever made for myself. It's the reason I am okay enough to be writing these blogs! Now, I don't make a ton of money. I can't even afford to pay my rent this month. However, I have made paying for therapy a priority because finding the right therapist can be so helpful! A year ago I was totally against therapy and now I want to continue seeing my therapist until I'm 100 years old lol. Explore your options. Look online. There is so much out there now a days and payment plans can be arranged. If you have a family doctor, look into getting some anti depressants. Don't be ashamed to take pillls!! I waited until I was 22 and I wish I would have went on them sooner. Sometimes it's what our bodies need. Depression is an ILLNESS. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. People take medication for tons of illnesses, this is no different.

Step 6: Love yourself

This step is last because for me, I found this the hardest part of my journey, but it is a crucial part. You are doing the best you can! Even if your best isn't the greatest, it's better than nothing. It's okay to suffer and to feel all these emotions, but don't blame yourself. You are only human. Getting into the right mindset takes work, but I promise you it'll be worth it. 3 years ago I tried to kill myself because I was so done living with depression and the evil thoughts in my head. Now I am grateful that I am still here and all I want to do is help others!! Even though I still suffer myself. If these steps don't work for you and you feel like you are beyond help, call our hotlines in Sudbury. Go to crisis, go to the hospital. You can reach out to me but know like I said, I am no expert. But I can tell you this, life is worth living. YOU are worth having a life.

So choose life, and make it a good one. Write some affirmations around your house on sticky notes if you have to. Write some down and read them to yourself daily. Your brain can be trained to fix the way you feel. Here are some examples:

I am LOVED

I am worthy of LOVE

I will be OKAY

I need to FEEL to HEAL

I am NOT alone

Don't give up hope my friend. I'd be sad to see you miss out on so many beautiful things.

-Lana